I'm going crazy. Fast.

Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I'm going crazy. I'm not sure what I am, or who I am. Sometimes I can't tell which side is up, which makes the turbulance of the waves even worse. I have this friend, who doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through. She doesn't seem to get the fact that I'm not just out for self pity. That I ACTUALLY can't socialize sometimes. It takes every ounce of my body to get up in the morning, take a shower, get ready and paint on a happy face just to go to work. Where I don't feel appreciated and get run ragged all day long. Which makes me tired, cranky and upset. Only to have the pressure of a "friend" who always wants me to go to her house (about 10-15 miles out of town, opposite direction of my house) to do nothing. I don't want to socialize. There's days I don't like the face in the mirror, let alone anyone elses face. I don't know if that's normal, but I just can't do this. I thought I was doing so well, and then suddenly I'm not. There's just so many things running through my head. Part of me doesn't want friends, part of me does. But the part that wants friends, doesn't want to "burden" them with my self pity trip. I'm not sure what exactly it is, but I just want to lock myself away from everyone and disappear.