New baby frustration.

My sister announced to Facebook yesterday that she's having a new baby and I'm wholeheartedly LESS than thrilled.

First off, she can't afford the one she's got. She's been "borrowing" money from people left and right. Infact, not even 2 weeks ago, asked me for "a little money-$50 should cover it"... and then posted on Facebook a couple days ago that Benjamin was screaming from his crib because they didn't have any milk. Definitely a place I want to bring a child into the world in. NOT.

Secondly, perhaps it's me being jaded by the previous fact, or the fact that I just lost one and she showed no sympathy whatsoever, and then calls me all overjoyed obviously NOT thinking about about how I might feel about it. I feel guilty for writing it as I think it through in my head, trying to put it into words. But it's hard to explain my "frustration". Because it's not fair to her to be mad that she wants another baby. It's not fair to blame her for being excited that she's having another. It's not fair to her for me feeling the way I am right now. It's selfish of me in a way. But, she can't afford the 17 month old son she has as it is, how can she even fathom the idea of bringing ANOTHER life, another MOUTH that she can't feed, into this miserable world. It bothers me that she peed on a stick and called me and then posted it on Facebook before telling our Mother or seeing a doctor. I'm jaded because of what I went through, that I wouldn't be going around just throwing it on people. And all of a sudden, I'm just SUPER pissed off that she's procreating and I can't. And maybe that's why I'm so mad. I can't think straight, I had dreams about babies all night last night, which isn't really helping my "situation"...

Am I wrong for not wanting to be super excited for her? Because I really feel like I'm being a snatchface for not basking in her "glory". I just really want to pound her head against a wall until she thinks clearly.

Not only that, but my sisters husband sent me a really nasty message saying that God took away my child because I would be a shitty parent. What kind of person could say stuff like that?