Venting... Round 3

Everyone around me is having babies and I'm not. And in a way, my heart is breaking all over again. Not to mention that the husband doesn't seem to care and doesn't seem to be interested at all. It's like I'm in this alone, and for myself. And that's not really what I wanted. I wanted him to want a baby too and I don't see that want in him at all. He doesn't seem to even want the child he's got through his ex girlfriend. So I just don't know how he would want a baby with me. I'm starting to wonder if the only reason he wanted Joseph was because it happened and he had no choice and I kinda wonder if losing him was a relief. And I dont mean to sound like a heartless bitch by saying it- but he's kinda given me no sign of hope when I look in his eyes. And unfortunately I believe I'm holding some pent up frustration over this. And it's affecting our relationship and I don't know how to move forward. I still feel kinda stuck- like it's still June of 2011 and my life hasn't moved. My heart is still broken and my emotions are erratic and it's not doing ANY good to Tom. I just dont know what to do or how I fix it. And theres no place I can post anything to get advice so I just get to post things like this to vent to myself. Yay...