June 4th, we had gotten up early to do some yard saling. We came home a few hours later after raking in our treasures and I'd helped move a camper shell. We had a friends son's birthday party to head out to at 2pm, so I ran back in the house to go to the bathroom and get cleaned up before heading out to play some video games and eat pizza. TMI-While using the bathroom, I felt this weird bulge... I tried to ignore it, thinking it was just a muscle freaking out. When it did it again, lower... I got weirded out. When I touched it, it popped and water gushed everywhere. It started out clear, then went pink. We went to ER, the birthday present in the backseat [[just in case]]. I feared it was the amniotic sac, but some research said that it could have been a couple other things that wouldn't have been so bad. After laying in ER for 3 hours, and being told that if my baby was born alive they'd sit "it" somewhere to let it die because it wasn't between 20 and 24 weeks and wasn't viable [[meaning baby wouldn't have been able to survive as baby's lungs weren't developed]]. Laying in the same blood and junk for 3 hours. Laying in a bed, not being told ANYTHING positive, they finally moved me to the OB floor. No cramping, no fever, no anything. Baby still had a strong heartbeat but not a lot of fluid. I received an IV with an antibiotic every 6hrs to prevent infection. They listened to his heartbeat a couple times and carted me off to ultrasound once. It was reassuring to know that the Hulk baby wasn't giving up so easily. June 5th came and went without any pain, cramping or pressure. I thought things were finally looking up. And I was just waiting for more good news. What I honestly wanted to hear was that the amniotic sac had repaired itself, fluid was regaining and that things would be fine. Nothing happening to me was giving me hope that everything was fine. My doctor popped in to see how things were and to make sure I was doing good. He said that if there was no progress one way or the other by Monday, that I could go home. June 6th came with breakfast and lunch. A few of my favorite nurses were there that day that had been there Saturday night when I was admitted to their floor. They left my door open, wandered in and out to say hi or check on me. Leaving the door open, I saw new babies being transported to their awaiting parents and it didn't bother me. It was heart warming, knowing that there was a new baby, happy and healthy, being taken to their parents. I was still hopeful. About 5pm, supper came. 5:15pm brought slight cramping and 5:30pm brought my doctor who was all smiles, telling me I could go home. Until I told him that I was cramping and not feeling so well. He checked my cervix, to see if I was dilated and found a foot. When he checked my uterus via ultrasound, the baby's head was the only thing left inside and he told me there was no heartbeat. Before I could even accept what was happening, it was basically over. I delivered a breech baby boy at 6pm whom we named Joseph Arley Blatz. "T" watched the whole thing as his "closure". The placenta wouldn't detach so between the doctor and a nurse, they put a total of 8 little pills inside to get it to release. In the middle of feeling like I was dying from the intense cramps, my favorite nurse Mary left me. She had helped me deliver Joseph and was the mother I needed and didn't have available. When she left, "T" had been gone for about a half hour to let our dogs out and to breathe. A lot had just happened. He needed his time too. So I was left by myself, feeling like I was bleeding to death, like my heart had just been ripped out. I started bawling. I couldn't help myself. It was the worst thing I'd ever been through, and now I was alone to focus on it. All I wanted was the placenta to detach so that I could go home and cry in private. Nurses kept coming in and I didn't want to visit. "T" finally came back and cried and hugged on him for as long as I could stand. I hadn't realized how much I needed him until then. Monica was actually the nurse that told me that I could bury Joseph. I had no idea. At only 19w6d, he wasn't much more than a fish, and since it was before 20 weeks, I was told that I had no responsibility to him, as far as burying him went. Monica put me in touch with people to release his little body to a funeral home and get all the information to bury him. I was released the morning of the 7th. A sore, tired lady missing a piece of her heart.
I got in contact with the funeral home and we arranged for a small service to be held that Friday the 10th. As much as I wanted my family to be there, I needed to get it over with. My heart hurt sooo bad. And I thought burying Joseph would bring my own closure. So, at 3:30pm that Friday, an LDS bishop said a prayer and we entered our son into the earth.
"T" and I took an adventure to South Dakota just to get out of town. We started out in Deadwood, SD and gambled and goofed off. "T" won $550 which paid for most of our adventure. The next day, we did some sight seeing around town and then headed up to Mt Rushmore, which was smaller than I expected but still completely awesome. We closed up the evening getting some old time pictures done and then eating dinner. It was pouring rain so we headed 20 miles into Rapid City, SD where we stayed the night. The next morning, we had breakfast, wandered around the mall and then headed home. It was a remarkable weekend. I honestly feel like it was what we needed.
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